My Decision in Religion by Negina

As I sit up here on the roof of my Moroccan home, I look out into the night view of Marrakesh. I count eight mosques in the distance; I think that's more than the entire state of Oregon. The religion here is so powerful and the passion it sparks in its society has been really exciting for me to witness. As an Afghan-American, I grew up in a Muslim home; however, I had never seriously considered praying five times on a daily basis or wearing a hijab, until I came here. My host family is on the conservative side and I cannot help but look into the idea of me becoming more of a practicing Muslim for while I am here and for once I return back to America.

          This opportunity of living in an Islamic nation for such a long period of time has given me the chance to really get in touch with the religion. I sometimes wake up to the “Adhan,” or call to prayer, from the mosque a few blocks down from my house. I usually come home to one of my family members praying in the living room. I constantly hear my host mom preparing the day's food to Qur'an verses playing in the background. And every day, I get to look into peoples' lives here and learn about their different connections to Allah. I am so appreciative of the fact that I can walk over to the mosque whenever I feel like it, or that I can turn on the TV and find Qur'an recitation channels with English translations running on the bottom of the screen. Not that I have taken full advantage of all these resources around me; however, I have the utmost intentions to do so for the rest of my time here. I feel as though I have the support of not only my family back in Eugene, Oregon, but also the encouragement of an entire nation to find the religion within myself.

           While I have been on this religious exploration, I have experienced countless highs, but also several scarring lows. A few months ago, I felt an incredible amount of pressure and stress to become a "good" Muslim. In comparison to people in my Moroccan family and to the majority of society here, I didn't feel right to consider myself one of them. I felt that since I do not do what they do or act the way they do, then I am not a true Muslim. I know that a lot of the people I meet here, probably including members of my host family as well, judge my definition of Islam. Sometimes it is difficult to cope with the fact that I came from a place where most people considered me to be on the religious and conservative side and then I come here, where I seem like one of the least religious people.

           I have three months left here and two pages worth of items left to do on my “Marrakesh Bucketlist.” Many of my goals pertain to my personal relationship to Islam. Items include finishing the entire Qur'an translated into English, memorizing the art of prayer, becoming familiar with the basics to recitation, understanding the history and the meaning of the religion, and to finally be on the road to understanding what I believe and why I believe it. I feel like I am at that point in my life where I should choose for myself what I believe in and without educating myself, it is almost impossible to know what is out there. I know that not all of my questions will be answered once April twenty third comes around, but I want to leave Morocco with an adequate idea of my own faith in Islam.